You were 16 weeks old yesterday. I've been thinking of starting this blog for a while now, but as 2012 got closer I decided I should wait until the new year. In part because I was a little lazy, but mostly because I didn't want to have just a few posts for 2011 dangling around.
Let's talk about how you got your start. You "drained your pool" when I was 39 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I was excited, but I waited and waited, and my labor never really started. During my pregnancy with you I saw a group of midwives. I won't go in to why I chose to seek non-traditional care, but I will say that I don't regret it for a minute! Well since I had a midwife managing my labor, I didn't have all of the hoopla about my water breaking and having exactly 24 hours to push you out or else! They were very relaxed, and while they definitely kept an eye on things, I never felt under the gun. So I drank a potion (that just made me poop. A lot), swished some herbs in my mouth, walked around, pumped, but my body had no intentions of letting you out. So after 36 hours we decided to head the hospital. My dreams of floating in a pool and listening to hippie trance music, surrounded by candles were dashed. Off to the hospital, where 20 hours, 2 bags of pitocin, an epidural, and one pair of forceps later, you were finally here! 9 pounds 2 ounces and only a little bit cone headed. AND I avoided being cut open. Score!
I'm not going to lie, sweet baby, the first couple of months of motherhood were not kind to me. I was so so sad. I felt guilty that I had this perfect little boy and all I felt was scared and hopeless. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make my heart and my head agree of what to make of my new role as a mom.
**I started writing this post about 4 hours ago. I had to stop to take your dad to the hospital (he burned his hand on the grill.) You were a trooper while we waited for him to get patched up!**
Where was I? Oh yeah, PPD, yadda yadda. I try not to dwell on the rough start we had. I may bring it up from time to time, but hopefully just to show how far we've come. And we've come so far, little one!
In the almost 4 months you've been alive you have changed so much! You hold your head up high! You finally don't cry the second you start tummy time an you can sit in your bumbo seat. You smile and laugh and coo and hold things in your little hands. You're blue eyed, chubby, and so undeniably beautiful (everyone says so!) Sometimes you won't cry all day, but other times you are just as fussy as can be. They say that is normal baby stuff so I try not to get too worked up over it.
Hopefully I can keep up with these letters. Surely some will be funny, some will be serious, and others will share too much information with you and the world wide web. We are making memories everyday, baby Walker. Here's to us.
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